Money as a gift from grandparents is often perceived as something granted. And not every grandson or granddaughter will answer at least a short message, not to mention the call. This is fine?
Grandmother sends the grandson a “allowance for the semester” twice a year. He does not react to this – he does not call, does not thank in SMS. How to deal with disappointment and resentment?
“Twice a year I send the younger grandson“ Bonus to study ”in the amount of 100 euros. Like his older brother and sister. They always write about how glad to gift. The younger – neither an answer, nor greetings. Maybe I’m waiting in vain? I would be pleased to read or hear – “How great, grandmother”. Or just “thanks”. Or 100 euros are worth nothing today?”-the 75-year-old Irena from Bavaria says regretfully.
Russian grandmothers who, despite the scarcity of pensions, continue to surprise their children and grandchildren, are asked similarly questions. Manage not only to make ends meet, but also to help them.
Three experts give advice to all grandmothers in the world who hope for gratitude.
“Rejoice that you can support your grandson”
Margit Auer -The author of the children’s book-Bratseller “School of Magic Animals”, more than 2 million copies of which are printed in 22 languages. She has three sons, almost all are already adults.
Sometimes I receive letters from grateful readers. I never write such letters myself and do not answer them. I have no time for this, and I do not want to remind myself of myself once again.
Probably someone will consider my behavior rude. But look from the other side. Maybe your grandson just has a lot in your head and for everyday worries, he forgets to answer you every time? Continue to adhere to the ritual and send a “allowance for the semester”. And rejoice that you can support your grandson.
If not for him, then what would you spend this money? Would go on an excursion? Signed up for sports walking courses? Hardly. Therefore, just ask the grandson why he doesn’t write to you. Tell us how you feel about this. Then, probably, he will also share where he spent 100 euros. And thank. Perhaps you will understand that you are pleasing to him. Isn’t that you want?
“If it does not answer, stop sending money”
Herbert Renz-Polster – Pediatrician, scientist and author of the Blog advice on the upbringing of “understanding of children” (in German). He has four adult children, lives with his wife and the youngest child.
What are 100 euros? Good question. On the one hand, the one who gives a gift wants to do something good to another. And it seems to do this of his own free will, holding in mind “not worth gratitude”. But this rule works with those whom we see every day, about whom we know for sure – we are important for them, we are loved.
On the other hand, we all need recognition. Without this, any relationship “creak”. Gratitude for us is confirmation that our gift, and we ourselves, are valuable. There is no gratitude? So I am not?
It is difficult to say: whether the grandson was lazy, having forgotten or-it happens and so,-he contacts his grandmother only when he needs something from her. In any case, I would send him a message. I would ask: did he get a translation? How is he doing? If he answers, then perhaps heat will return to the relationship.
If it does not answer, I would stop sending him money. Maybe your relationship is really not close enough. So whether it is worth investing unilaterally?
“When I will be a grandmother
, I will also be angry”
Kollien Ulman-Fernandes – Actress and presenter, mother’s mother. She published several articles on the life of her parents, in 2014 her book “I am my mother” was published.
100 euros today, due to low inflation, are still relatively much. And, as far as I know, they help students a lot who often have nothing but empty pasta. Therefore, the grandson is absolutely certain for thanking. But, unfortunately, grandchildren are rarely attentive to grandmothers. And they still wait. This is probably one of the not always fair expectations of old age.
Remember yourself in their years. So many ideas, so many plans, so many thoughts in the head. The world around is so new. And there is not enough time to write a message, except once a year.
We can confidently say that this problem is old as the world. But I also know for sure: if I will ever become a grandmother myself, then I will be offended and angry if my hundred flies into the void unanswered.